I just pynch a tree in the face
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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