her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
