the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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