i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
