Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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