the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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