so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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