Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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