The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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