I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
