Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
