my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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