my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
