just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
