I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
