I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
