I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
