Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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