I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
