I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i need some magic done to my vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
