my vag is so smooth its legendary
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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