I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
