So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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