what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
