That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
