I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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