I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
