My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
