Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
