so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
