Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
