But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
