No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
