Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
