Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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