I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
