I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
