Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
