home. puking in laundry basket.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
