is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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