well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
