Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
