All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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