when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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