mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
