The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
