Porn is love you can see.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
