you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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