she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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