Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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