just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BRING THE BAGELS
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
