Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
