Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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