i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
