We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
