Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
