Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
