I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
