"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
