I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
