Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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