I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
