we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
